Journalling Through Guilt, Grief, and “I Should Be Fine By Now”

There are some emotions we talk about easily.
And then there’s guilt.
Guilt has a way of slipping under everything else — shaping how we see ourselves, how we interpret other people’s words, and how we judge our own recovery. It’s a powerful emotion. Powerful enough to crush even the strongest person.
And if you’re a parent, a carer, or someone who carries responsibility for others, it can feel unbearable.
I know it did for me.

The Guilt No One Sees

The guilt of not being present.
Of not being available.
Of not being able to provide.
It was soul-destroying.
I had always been someone who fixed things — who found solutions, pushed through, made it work. And suddenly, I couldn’t. I was powerless. And that was the worst part.
It didn’t matter that it wasn’t rational.
It didn’t matter that it wasn’t my fault.
It was how I felt.
Crushing guilt — as though I had abandoned my life and left behind the people I cared about most.

“You’re So Lucky” — When Gratitude Becomes a Burden

As I moved onto the road to recovery, I was told — often — how lucky I was. How blessed. How grateful I should feel.
And I was grateful.
But my head was all over the place.
Why wasn’t I bouncing back?
Why didn’t I feel better?
Why did everything still feel so heavy?
That’s where shame crept in.
Everyone had stopped their lives for me. People had carried things while I couldn’t. I was supposed to be better now. Fixed. Past it.
And in many ways, I was — physically.
But just because I’d moved out of the situation didn’t mean the mental mess had gone with it.
The fear.
The guilt.
The grief.
They were all still there.
And there was no option for that part. No help. No intervention. Just the quiet expectation that I should be fine by now.

Delayed Grief Is Still Grief

One of the hardest things to understand is that grief doesn’t always show up straight away.
Sometimes survival takes everything you have. There’s no space to process while you’re just trying to get through. So your mind does what it needs to do — it packs everything away.
Later, when things finally slow down, it all comes out.
And that can feel confusing, frightening, and deeply isolating.
You might think:

• Why am I falling apart now?

• Why am I worse when things are meant to be better?

• What’s wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.
This is delayed processing.
And it’s far more common than we realise.

When Journalling Became Somewhere Safe to Tell the Truth

Journalling gave me somewhere to put the guilt without being judged by it.
I could write things I would never say out loud. Things that felt ungrateful. Things that felt ugly. Things that didn’t fit the story everyone else needed me to tell.
I didn’t have to explain myself.
I didn’t have to make it make sense.
I could simply say, this is how it feels.
And sometimes, that was enough to take the edge off the shame.
Not to remove it.
But to loosen its grip.

You Can Hold Gratitude and Grief at the Same Time

This is something I wish more people said out loud:
You can be grateful to be alive — and still grieve what you’ve lost.
You can be relieved — and still be angry.
You can be healing — and still be struggling.
These things are not opposites.
They are human.
Journalling helped me hold those contradictions without needing to resolve them.

Gentle Prompts for Guilt and Grief

If you’re carrying guilt, grief, or the weight of expectation, these prompts might help you begin — gently:

• The guilt I don’t talk about is…

• What I feel ashamed of — even though I don’t need to be — is…

• I feel pressure to be “better” because…

• What I lost that others might not see is…

• The part of this I haven’t processed yet is…

• If I’m honest, I’m still grieving…

You don’t need to justify any of it.
One sentence is enough.

If You’re Reading This Thinking, “This Is Me”

If this resonates — if you’ve ever thought “I should be fine by now” and felt worse because you’re not — please know this:
You are not weak.
You are not ungrateful.
You are not behind.
You are processing something real — perhaps later than expected, but no less valid.
If you’d like a gentle place to start, you can download the free First 7 Days of Journalling Prompts, created for moments like this — when emotions feel tangled and words are hard to say out loud.
And if you want ongoing support, the journalling course is there to walk alongside you — without pressure, timelines, or expectations.
You don’t have to rush this.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
Healing isn’t about being fine.
It’s about being honest — and letting that be enough for now.